We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
