i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
