I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
