Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
