Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
