When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
