Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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