I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
