Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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