help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
