I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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