So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
