i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
