thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
