I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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