i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
