I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
