I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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