the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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