doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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