Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
