so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
