I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
