why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
