Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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