first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
