You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
