Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
