It's like God shit irony all over that family
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
