I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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