why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
