Your mouth is God's brothel.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
