Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
