so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
