Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
