which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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