not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
