She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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