What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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