So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
