dude i'm inner monologue high
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
