shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
