Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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