sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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