he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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