You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
