I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
