Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
