Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
