I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
