tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
