It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
