Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize