problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
