In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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