really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
