I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize