Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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