i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
