why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You're like the curious george of whores
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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