My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
