I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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