highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize