There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
