we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
