She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
