I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
