it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You need Xanax blowdarts
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
