barbara walters just said penis...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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