try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
