I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
