Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Text me some of your sweat
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
