"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
