he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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