I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you still have your period?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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